Bands I've Seen Live/Bands I have signed

This is only being posted so I can move it onto my new computer b/c it wont read the original word file but feel free to look through it anyway

----BANDS IVE SEEN LIVE (if ive seen them more than once it will be in parenthesis) ~= ive met them, *= i have something signed by them : Madina Lake, Smile Empty Soul, Operator, The Exies, Say Anything(3~*), Flyleaf(2), Bullet For My Valentine(2), Papa Roach, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Wolfmother, The Killers, Trivium, Hellyeah, Atreyu(2~*), Evanescence, Korn, Sick Puppies(2), Evansblue, The Starting Line, Hurt(2), Saliva, Mute Math, Sum 41, Chevelle, Seether(2), Three Days Grace, Breaking Benjamin, Last Fast Action, The Feed, Ludo(5~*), Lucabrasi, Safetysuit, Scary Kids Scaring Kids, Red, Theory of a Deadman, 10 Years(2), Coheed and Cambria(~*), Filter, Killswitch Engage, Shinedown(2*), Serj Tankian, The Birthday Massacre(I met the guitarist, Rainbow, and he signed my shirt), Mindless Self Indulgence (~*), 36 Crazyfists, Suicide Silence (2), Five Finger Death Punch, Black Tide(2~*), DJ Starscream, Airbourne, The Red Chord, Walls of Jericho, underOATH (~*), Machine Head, Mastodon, Dragonforce, Disturbed, Slipknot, The Boxmasters (Billy Bob Thorton's band-seen them acoustic met Billy Bob and had him sign my Mr. Woodcock DVD) Armor For Sleep, Hawthorne Heights (~*), Street Drum Corps, Ashes Divide, The Bravery, Chris Cornell, Linkin Park, The Chaotics(2~), Drive A, Ava, Wait, Red Line Chemistry, Miser, Brookroyal, Copperview, Saving Abel, Local H, Story of the Year, Apocalyptica, Puddle of Mudd, Oh My God, Building Rome, Family Force 5 (*~), Central City Heroes(~), Professor Hooknose and his Greasy Gits, Justin Finch-Fletchley (2*~), The Whomping Willows (2*~), The Moaning Myrtles (*~) Lauren Fairweather (2*~) Nina Jancowicz(*~), River Boat Gamblers, Rancid, Rise Against, The Expendables, Ziggy Marley, 311, Arcanium, Warbringer, Megadeth, Houses of The Holy(4), Steve Ewing Band (~), Angels & Airwaves, Gaza, Cattle Decapitation, Whitechapel, Job For A Cowboy, ____local band before TBDM, Arcaic, Goatwhore, The Black Dahlia Murder, Valencia, Saves The Day, Motion City Soundtrack, Armoured Bearcub (*~), Alex Carpenter [of The Remus Lupins] (*~), Lamb Of God(~* havnt seen them live though), From First To Last (* havnt seen them live) As I Lay Dying (* havnt seen them live)

Second Annual NaNoWriMo Procrastination

I am not doing NaNo again this year because I am a horrible person.

Last year was when I first found out about NaNoWriMo about 2 weeks before it actually happened and so I was a big wuss and like OH NO I'M NOT PREPARED I CAN'T DO IT. But I did tell myself that I would spend the whole year planning a rough idea of a plot and then I could do NaNo the next time.

It's the next time and I can't do it.

When I made the claim that I was going to do NaNo in 2010 I had not expected that the life as I knew for 20 years would change and that I would be going to a big fancy regular college and working and actually having a set schedule to live by. I've just been put into this schedule and I don't have a grasp on time management yet.

So my reasons are more legit than last year. I work 5 days a week on top of school plus I have my theater tech class that requires 36+ hours of outside school work so essentially I am working every day. Most of my "free time", that is not working, not being at school, not doing homework, and not doing anything essentially, is spent between the hours of 7:30-11:10 pm. Last year I had also not planned on reading 50 books in a year but after realizing I could do it I started that this year.

If I were not reading 50 books in a year I would more than likely be doing NaNo this year.

BUT OH WELL!

So what I AM going to do is write stuff ANYWAY because NaNo is about writing in general rather than writing to a certain point. I'm not going to keep track or anything I'm just going to gather writing "skills" and confidence. I DO enjoy writing. At least in the form of typing. I just like the feeling and sounds associated with typing really fast and putting thoughts in print as they come to you. (i hate writing by hand because I always get cramps in my hand)

So here are things that I am going to give up for 30 days November 2011:

• Recreational Reading (meaning not for school)
• A decent amount of internet use. Can't give it ALL up but I can cut back.
• Whatever social life I happen to have at the time. I will probably go out at least once in the month to relieve the tension or whatever, though.
• Becoming intoxicated. If all things go to plan then I will not have problems with this in the FIRST place by next year.
• Playing guitar. It's going to SUCK but I spend lots of free time doing it.
• Doing stuff with people from work. It seems that I am hanging with them more and more so I will need to cut back come next year.
• And the most important thing I will not do for 30 days next November is I WILL NOT PROCRASTINATE ABOUT NANOWRIMO!!!!

I like structure so I'm going to have to plan things out like this so I am comfortable getting myself into this situation. I plan on getting the No Plot? No Problem! book from the NaNo website store. (As i'm thinking about it I should probably get in the habit of using correct punctuation and capitalization when writing "formal" things, like blogs for starters). I had some notes written out last November when I had started planning this year's novel but I'm probably going to scrap them because I generally do not like something I have created after it has existed for a while. This is going to be hard for me but I need this, in a way. I have probably never done anything for 30 days straight other than becoming intoxicated and reading Infinite Jest. I have already embraced that NaNoWriMo is a great thing and I really am jealous I can't find the time to do it this year. But I'm going to do what I CAN. And what I CAN do is attempt to do more than nothing.

Culture Shock (best day ever)

I'm going to use the phrase culture shock in a new context here. The culture shock I had today was when I was being IRL today and things from URL existed IRL.

I get into a lot of cool things through internet people and my internet friends and internet stuff etc.

So today I went to the loop which is like (at least I like to think so) the cultural mecca of st. louis. Its a really cool street full of coffee shops and art galleries and book stores and TONS of music stores and mostly restaurants (many of which are foreign foods).

Today was my best trip to the loop.

So we get there via metro link because I have a free pass for the semester and a guy that's raising funds for a thing comes up to us and gave us a handful of 45's (which are small black disks that play music on a thing called a record player which uses a needle to make sound INORITE?!) I have not listened to them yet but i'm excited i have them regardless.

We go to get say anything tickets and they wanted to charge me extra since i was using a debit card so i didnt get them and i'm gonna get them with cash later this week.

Then we go to eat at chipotle.

I found out about chipotle through internet people (Hayley G Hoover etc) and i've been wanting to go there for like a year. So i ate there and it was amazing

Then we went to FroYo which is a very awesome frozen yogurt place and it was beyond delicious and amazing.

We went to the comic book store and they had all this scott pilgrim stuff and I was excited (i got into scott pilgrim through internet people) and they had other cool stuff and i was very excited they also had doctor who comics and i was like WHAA!

So then we go to the music store and its like my favorite store EVER and in the back they have paintings by this famous guy who paints album covers and stuff and they had 4 neutral milk hotel paintings (i got into NMH through internet people) and I looked and saw these paintings and i just went "WHAAAAAAAAAAA!" and ran over to them and I was flailing my arms and stuff and I was so excited. (also I bought the new ludo album there)

Skipping ahead a bit when I got home I decided I should have bought the painting after finding out that it was that famous guy and so i called the place and they're holding it for me.

So then we went to the indie bookstore.

They. Had. EVERYTHING!

Every David Foster Wallace book
Every Chuck Palahniuk Book
Every Kurt Vonneguy Book
Tons of books about internet stuff like "shit my dad says", "texts from last night" and stuff and a funny book about making bongs out of random objects.
They had almost the whole set of 33 1/3 books including the one written by John Darnielle of the mountain goats.

So basically I just found a bunch of reallly cool things that excited me and it was the best trip ever.

BEDA 23- First Day of School

My first day this semester was even more chaotic than the last.

So I came to UMSL in the spring last time. I've never been there during the start of the year in the fall. THERE ARE SO MANY MORE PEOPLE THERE! Parking was 100x worse than I was expecting.

I get to my class on the top floor of the farthest building and sit through that horrible moment where you're not 100% sure you're in the right room. One other guy walks out muttering something about the wrong day. I suddenly see the textbook on the teacher's desk and i'm like ok i'm in the right place.

5 minutes before class starts the teacher goes- ok so this class is intro to astronomy and you need a college algebra and trig pre-requisite. if you're not confident in your abilities to do the math required for this course there is another class with no math that is going on RIGHT NOW. Here's the syllabus for it and the room number.

HALF THE CLASS (including me) GETS UP AND LEAVES.

We all pile into the other lecture hall and confuse the hell out of the teacher.

So 15 minutes into that class I realize that this new class may not fit into my degree requirements. So i freak out and can't pay attention the whole period.

We get out early and I go to the office to check everything. Theres a girl up there with some police because she was yelling at the lady behind the desk. I get sent to another office where they print off a thing. I check the thing and scream (not literally) relief because the class DOES fill the requirement. So the class I WAS in was 1050. The class I switched to is 1001. (hint: higher numbers means harder class). I was in the wrong class to BEGIN with. It was NOT the intro course. My adviser put me in the wrong class because of how it was listed on the sheet. Its difficult to understand but I see how he made the mistake.

Anyway i'm so excited this is all going to work out. I go back to the first office and fill out a form and she tells me that it wont fit because there is a lab that conflicts with one of my other classes. Then she rattles off other classes that all conflict with work. Then she goes, oh no wait that lab is optional you CAN take that class.



Then my second class I walk in and see the guy next to me with the textbook so i'm in the right place. The teacher (who is hot btw) says "this is intro to advertising blah blah blah... and I just want to say.....

WAZAUUUPPPP?!"

and half the class stood up and said

"WAZAUUUPPP?!"

and the second half of the class is like wtf is going on. And the teacher says those who stood up read what she put online for the class and have passed the first assignment.

wow

So my advertising teacher is really animated and uses cool examples of stuff and the class is gonna be awesome.

Then I had work and it was ok but busy.

Tomorrow should go much smoother.

Reading: read some oblivion today. the story i'm on is the greatest.
I havent even listened to music yet today

BEDA 22- The "Real" College Experience

I just got back from hanging out with my little brother's girlfriend at her dorm. She's going to the same school as me WHICH STARTS TOMORROW OMG IM SO NOT READY! But anyway I told her to find all the cool people since she's living there and she's pretty picky with people so I was sure she'd find really cool people.

So I have never been on the south part of campus before so that was cool. And i've never seen the resident halls let alone ever been in one before so it was all an overwhelming experience. Like I thought I knew about it but I had NO IDEA.

My brother had to leave because he didn't have his ID and they wouldn't let him stay without it so It was just me, my bro's gf, and then she called up some people and we hung out.

We talked about harry potter on a level that only someone truly devoted can, and I couldn't believe it was a conversation that was NOT over the internet.

My bro's gf knows so much about what is going on at school that it's kind of scary. Last semester I was there I did my best to be completely unattached to school at all. I just distanced myself from it on purpose.

Tonight made me feel completely different. It was kinda weird to me but it was also exciting. I've decided that I'm going to be more involved this semester because my bro's gf is a way to comfortably ease my way into "real" college life.

There still some more people i'm supposed to meet soon so that will be cool.

First day is tomorrow. 2 classes. I'll be there from 11-2. I have not packed my bookbag yet. I only have 15 minutes in between class so I was gonna get snack stuff to eat but I didn't get any. I am the most unprepared for school I have ever been in my life. Oh well

reading-gonna go now

Last song scrobbled: something by dream theater idk what it was

BEDA 22- Science Be Praised!

Science is some legit stuff. There's nearly a full moon out and it's caused everyone to be crazy today. This literally happens.

I woke up feeling like shit (which i later/before i saw it was a (near) full moon thought that I was having percocet withdrawl or something) and then got into work and one of my coworkers appeared to be sleeping on break. Then i got to the back where I work and literally everyone was there so they sent some people home. and then i was informed that one of my coworkers was having a bad day and I said i was too. and then a different co worker kinda snapped at me.

So myself and everyone that I work with were all snappy and then some of the customers were too!

this guy came in and was yelling at his wife and talking to her like she's a retarded piece of poop and so I gave him some crappy fillets.

some other guy was yelling at his kid

then my least favorite customer came in right when we were about to close and just caused all kinds of shit

I got home and we went to wendy's where these two kids were just screaming their heads off.

no i'm really tired because i had a 5 hour shift w/ no break.

the full moon is an asshole. why do you do this to us!?

reading: about to do a tiny tiny bit but mostly i'm gonna sleep
school in 2 days. tomorrow is my last day of summer and work better not suck
last song scrobbled is something between the buried and me or pantera but i'm not gonna look it up

BEDA 20- Work. and learning

I've been working all day today. just got home and ate. and now i'm about to leave to go to a party so i need to blog for today, and quickly.

work is on my mind at the moment so i'm going to talk about work.

i am very grateful to finally have a job. i like my job. compared to how I think other jobs would be, this one is probably better. its a privately owned business so everything is done however they want it to be which is a great thing. i love the people i work with. we have lots of fun. i like paychecks.

I have learned a lot of things in my 8ish weeks of working. lots of things about different things.

• i've learned about cuts of meat/kinds of varieties of food
• i've learned a lot about food preparation
• i've learned about the physical aspects of working and adapting/healing etc involved
• i've learned that I am very quick on the learning curve and can adapt to new things fast
• i've learned how quickly you can become comfortable with people/get to know them when you are in a work environment with them.
• i've learned a few things about communicating with people
• i've learned lots about dumb people that come into work
• i've learned that I am a hard worker that doesnt fuck around
• i've learned lots of other stuff that is deeper in my conscious that cant really be put to words

its been a crazy experience

have not read today. dont have time to read tonight

no clue what my last song scrobbled was. havent been on my computer all day (this is the family computer)

BEDA 19- Re(re) Evaluating Goblet of Fire

***SPOILERS***

(sorry for any area where this sounds too ranty)

Today I finished reading Goblet of Fire for the third time and then I watched the movie.

The book is excellent. It's definitely my favorite of the series. There are tons of things going on to keep the reader interested. Theres all the mysterious things going on like Bertha Jorkins missing, you've got the world cup, the whole mystery about the dark mark and world cup attack, sirius is saying that things are starting to turn bad again, theres an apparent scandal going on with both ludo bagman and barty crouch that everyone seems to be on the hush about, hermione and the whole S.P.E.W. thing, plus on top of all that you have the triwizard tournament. There was never a time that I was bored in all 733 pages of the book.

The movie, however, is horrible. I still don't know if I would call it the worst one but it's pretty bad. I understand that they had to make cuts to fit the plot into a movie format, i'm ok with that, but they cut out too much. This led to things getting very jumbled up and someone who has not read the book (a considerable amount of people) possibly have no clue what is going on. The entire movie focuses on the triwizard tournament when the things going on in the background are equally important; if not more so because of the way things unfold near the end of the series.

First of all Ludo Bagman is not in the movie at all. Neither is winky, dobby, any of the elves and the entire SPEW thing (which sucks because I was looking forward to seeing the kitchens). I can understand reasons for cutting out anything house elf related for time constraints so no major problems here. Dobby is the one to give harry the gillyweed for the second task, since there is no dobby in the movie neville does it because of the book moody gave him. In the book, moody WANTED neville to tell harry about the gillyweed and that didnt work out so he had to clue dobby to do it. So the fact that there was a part of a plotline missing and they filled the gap with something else that was still in the novel was played off very well.

A major problem with the movie is Barty Crouch. His family plays the ENTIRE role of moody being kidnapped, impersonated, and then getting harry into the tournament in order to get him to where voldemort is. He's supposed to be sick and mysteriously not coming to the events. In the movie he's somehow at the second task and then right after is found dead which basically didnt need to be in the movie AT ALL since in the end they didnt explain ANYTHING about HOW Barty Crouch Jr. was working with voldemort.

Which leads to the horrendous ending to the movie. The whole scene where moody turns back into crouch (david tennant hey that's cool. he plays a good crazy guy)- nothing was explained as it should have been. Granted the clues along the way were not in the movie so what was there really to explain?

Then in the book you have the two scenes that are not in the movie. The first being the scene in dumbledore's office where he tells dumbledore and sirius about everything that happened in the graveyard and they talk things over. Then theres the scene in the hospital wing where harry wakes up to fudge arguing with everyone and saying that voldemort is not back. THIS IS IMPORTANT TO THE STRUCTURE OF THE EVENTS TO FOLLOW! If anything they could have thrown together SOMETHING about fudge not believing voldemort is back. Instead they play it off (badly) in the next film.

Random things I noticed that were dumb for no reason:

• the seats they get at the world cup are laughed about when in the book they are considered good seats
• the world cup scene just not happening at all. HUGE anti climax
• the hungarian horntail was never supposed to break free and chase harry around. this was personified to make a better scene, visually
• this is very picky but it still bugs me that the patil twins (are they twins? i'm not sure) were both in gryffindor when one is supposed to be in ravenclaw.
• The dancing scene with mcgonagall... WHAT WAS THAT?! where did that come from? all that time could have been used to explain other things better
• the band at the yule ball was completely muggle looking/sounding and its my least favorite part of all the HP movies. its just gross
• viktor krum says ONE LINE in the whole movie, at the end, and it's a wisper and lame. fleur pretty much only has one line as well
• Voldemort's eyes are not "catlike" and red. this goes along with the rest of the movies. i just think he'd look a lot more evil if they would have stuck to that.

So the movie was all made for show to be a big hollywood movie and they didnt care that the back stories were important and only focused on the visual aspects of the tournament.

Here are some good things about the film:

• I really started to notice how rupert grint and emma watson are great actors. a lot better than daniel radcliff anyway.
• the dragon was great looking
• the scene from when harry and cedric touch the cup to when they escape back into the quidditch field, everything involving the voldemort scene was PERFECT (except his eyes). All of that was fantastic and great

so there. mysterious things should have happened and the presence of voldemort needed to be a little more dire and fudge could have popped in to say at least ONE thing about how he doesnt believe he's back.

Reading: so totally owned today

Last song scrobbled: idk what it was but it was iwrestledabearonce i can tell you that

BEDA 18 i need a cool title to lure people to read this

So this is late i know but whatever. i couldnt think of anything to write so i'm just gonna go for a free pass and just gun it tonight, as much as i hate doing these type of blogs. i've ha a bit to drink and for some reason when i'm at home, or alone, or in a quiet social setting i tend to do a lot of thinking and get all philosophical.

people hurt. people i care about. it sucks and I dont know what I can do about it.

shits about to get real once school starts because I have a job now. i'm about to be under the busiest/most stressful schedule i've had in my entire life and i dont know how its going to work out/how i'm going to handle it. i can literally only wait and see.

next summer is my last summer. i only have two more years of college left so the next summer will be the last time I am working part time (theoretically) and just waiting for school to start again. because after next summer everything is just work from then on until i retire. that's a scary thought. i dont know if i'm ready for that part of my life. i mean i'm 21 and I still dont do lots of things that people my age do to more towards the grown up parts of life. i've had my time here and it IS time to move on, but I've always liked to stay where I know is comfortable rather than take my chances and see where I can go. This is a bad thing. I'd lie and say its good to be safe and comfortable but where will I ever go if i'm too afraid to to branch out? even the first step of being on your own in college i'm not doing "correctly". i'm living at home while going to college that's 10 minutes from my house. I JUST started paying for my own gas in my car since I got my job. my parents still pay my phone bill. i still live a fairly sheltered life. it sucks but I dont know how I can push myself to get out there to where I should be.


something that I HAVE done on a very mature level the past few years is i've done a LOT of finding myself. trying new ways to get motivated and making different attempts to maintain different levels of things within my life. its all very complex and too vague to be put into words but i've done relentless experimenting and put loads of thought into how I compose myself nowadays.

I analyze some of these things TOO much, i suppose. mostly my social aspects. i AM getting better. having a job puts me in the "public" more often than I normally would be and so I am learning that I can function quite well in a new and changing environment; however novice it may be.

I expect this is what everyone is supposed to do in college though. But i quite like it. i know myself better than I ever have before. i'm able to let things of the past GO for once and learn from where I have messed up.

It's like i'm planning out the way things will unfold for the rest of my life with the way I think, sometimes. Like how I put tons of thought in my plans for living on my own. How I will arrange certain things, make sure I always remember to do other things, set aside time for these other things. Its all happening subconsciously and its kind of strange how its unfolding naturally; as if i've opened up a part of my mind with the press of a button that i've just noticed.

so i think that's enough self reflection for tonight

school in 5 days: bring it on (?)
reading: did some. gonna try to squeeze a bit in tonight so i can finish goblet of fire tomorrow (my truly last day off until winter break unless I happen to get a friday, saturday or sunday off work which is probably not gonna happen)
Last song scrobbled: "Lie"- Dream Theater

BEDA 17-A Letter to David Foster Wallace

Dear Mr. David Foster Wallace,
Let me start off by saying that I know for a fact you are not someone who wants to be immortalized or seen as a kind of celebrity. You said that it was unnecessary for personalities such as authors to be considered something "above society" as a celebrity. Your insight on the subject leads me to assume that you would prefer this letter to be less formal and in a setting where it is intended to commemorate you. However, I must inform you, this is in fact my intention of this letter- to express my appreciation for your "existence" within my life. Notwithstanding, I will attempt to keep it based in reality and fantasize as little as possible.

Dear David,
It is with eagerness that I find myself writing to you today. While your writing is still fairly new to me, it has still created a lasting impact on my life. I was introduced to you last year when an online community I am involved in with some friends partly took place in "Infinite Summer", a recent program where a bunch of people get together to read Infinite Jest over a predetermined period of time. I did not wish to partake in this event because I had heard a few things about how monstrously enormous Infinite Jest is. Near the end of that year I was talking with a few of my friends who were nearly/newly finished with the book. I asked a simple question- "What is it about?" I received mixed answers; which now that I look back on it, an intriguing aspect of the novel was that the "plot" is sort of ambiguous.

The thing that kicked me into wanting to read the novel was that I was told it had lots of drug use and people with messed up personal problems. I'm still not sure why I am fascinated with literature that includes these things but that is when/why I decided to read Infinite Jest.
I finally ordered the book and began researching what I was about to get into. I grew more excited to read it over the weeks prior to starting.

I began reading Infinite Jest 21 January 2010-
http://dailybooth.com/PaulSaysThings/2787230

The first night I read through the second chapter. The second chapter of Infinite Jest is some of my most favorite writing ever. In the middle of reading it I almost screamed at how closely the events and emotions applied directly to my personal life. I later found that this feeling of connectedness through your writing is a reoccurring theme. In all of your different writings I always find at least one line that directly applies to something I have experienced.
I did not have to finish Infinite Jest before considering it one of my favorite novels of all time. I also did not have to wait until after I finished it before deciding that I was going to make it a personal goal to read all of your published works.

8 weeks later I finished Infinite Jest-
http://dailybooth.com/PaulSaysThings/3917227

I was so engrossed at the end of the book that I began to read up to 200 pages per day (with writing that tiny, that's quite impressive). When I finally finished the novel I placed it down, triumphantly, and sat there panting like a dog, in a daze, with my mouth hanging open. This continued for about 20 minutes before I regained consciousness.

I continued to my next steps- i ordered more of your books and began searching the internet for stuff about you. I became entranced with interviews, article, and audio about you as I began to read Brief Interviews with Hideous Men. By now the name David Foster Wallace became analogous with me to the extent that I received a birthday card in the shape of you-
http://dailybooth.com/PaulSaysThings/4205159

I can't remember becoming to rabidly infatuated with something/someone so quickly. This is the part where you might think that my praise of you has become too high and I hold you on a pedestal for irrational or unnecessary reasons. I am currently reading through Oblivion and only have Consider the Lobster left to attain and read through.

Let me explain this by saying that your work has empowered me in many respects.

You have first off written things of high intellectual requirement, however they are written in a way that they can still be understood.As you put it- assuming the reader is smarter than you/they think. This has enabled me to give my thoughts higher power and facilitated my mind to be used as a broader variety of tools.

You have explained things that apply to my personal life in ways that I could not fathom, and you have described things that I am/was too afraid to confront; making those skeletons in the closet come out to face me. Through these mechanisms I am able to re-evaluate aspects of my life and have found ways to embrace, let go, or change them.

You have opened my mind to new ways of thinking and unhinged new areas of my mind, through your way of explaining points of view and being very articulate about miniscule details. You have changed the way I perceive things on a vast scale.

For these reasons and for others that I have not yet grasped in a way that they can be explained through words and expressions I wish to explore ways to express my deep gratitude and affection of you, your mind, your perceptions, your faults, your triumphs, and your experiences, put forth for others to see through the act of writing. I wish to know your place of burial so that I could make a pilgrimage to it just to be in the presence of your remains and bask in the wonders of our sheer proximity. It is probably for this reason, among others, that the location of your grave is hidden, and I respect that.

With all of this I simply wish to say:

Thank you. For everything

Yours respectfully,
Paul D. Huber

(btw i went to http://iwl.me and you can enter something your wrote and it will tell you who you write like. i entered this and it said I write like David Foster Wallace. if that isnt the most perfect thing I dont know what is)
_______________________________
6 days till school.
Reading in a bit here and definitely more tonight
Last song Scrobbled: "A Change of Seasons" Dream Theater

BEDA 16- Sexy Thangs

Avy came up with the topic today. I like it. Things that you find sexy/attractive that are not usually considered that way.

First off i'm going to say bookshelves because you knew it was coming. But not just any bookshelf. It has to really look good. I'm talking organized and potentially decorated with things in/on the shelves. (check my tumblr i probably posted some)

Girl's british accents. Sometimes. Not always but occasionally it will sound extra great. Doesnt depend on the girl either, just the voice.

Thick books. Goblet of fire is sitting next to me. lookin hot

Modern architecture. Not all of it, because it will either look attractive or repulsive. I cant really describe which is which but i know it when i see it. (check my tumblr if i have some on there)

Office furniture. And some office supplies if they are created in a very clever way. Comfy desk chairs and geniously designed organizing space makes my brain go "HRRRRRRRRRRWHIHRGRE"

Trashy whores. Just kidding. That goes on the list of things that are considered attractive but I DON'T find them so.

Gonna get these out of the way:

Karen Gillan

Jenna Fischer

Ellen Page

Kiera Knightly

Kate Beckensale

Kat Dennings

Meekakitty

(ok they are usually considered attractive but i'm leaving them here)

How cool Suchducks is

One week until school kill meeeeee

Read a little today but my computer/percocet ADD killed my focus. gonna read now

Last song scrobbled: "Everything is Alright"- Motion City Soundtrack

BEDA 15-Inception (and thoughts)

HALF WAY THROUGH BEDA!

I saw inception last night. An hour into it I thought the film was one of the best. Half way through it I realized its probably my new favorite movie (or at least tied with fight club.) the scene where the van is folling and it's making the sleeping people fight in the hotel in zero gravity was so amazing. i just sat there with my mouth hanging open for like 45 minutes. it was perfectly confusing. just enough for me to understand it but crazy enough to be intriguing and deep. ellen page is hot. leonardo dicaprio didn't douche up the movie AT ALL. the only parts I didnt understand were very minor and parts that I didnt care about. I cried twice during the movie not out of sadness but out of sheer joy and excitement of how fantastic the movie was. on a scale of 1-5 i'd give it 30. on a scale of 1-10 i'd give it 600. inception is like if you woke up from the matrix into the real world and find out that the world you knew was a fake simulation and then you woke up from that and find out that everything you just learned about the matrix was planted in your mind by someone else who thought it up, and then you woke up again. inception has already changed the way I think about a few different things. it unhinged a few areas of my mind.

Since I have no real topic i'm going to keep my inception topic and just talk about some thoughts

Tomorrow is monday and I am off work. Tomorrow is one week until school. I still have to go get my books/parking permit. I do not want this school year to start. Next summer will be my last summer. WOW.

Eevee won my soul today in a game of OMGPOP pool.

Blaze is awesome. She was on blogtv and it was awesome. We are gonna break the world record for longest hug (24 hrs 17 min) Blaze wants to know what happens when we have to pee while hugging. Comment if you have suggestions.

I have taken 30 minutes to write this wow I should have started reading like an hour ago.

This year my school is giving free metro passes to all students so I can take the train down to the loop like every weekend now and go to the record store and chipotle omfg.

Tomorrow i might go get animal farm and farenheit 451 from target because they're really cheap on their "classics" rack. i wont be able to read them for a while because of other reading priorities but then i'll have them and wont have to think about it anymore which is nice.

I think about things like that very strangely. I'll get it in my head- ok, i want to read animal farm. and then i'll plan out when i'm gonna read it (after harry potter and during DFW but only if mockingjay is not out yet) and stuff like that and then i'll find out where i'm going to buy it and then i'm where i'm at now. and I havent bought it. i have no reason to get it just yet because i'm not gonna read it for a while. but it's such a fully articulate thing that I've contemplated that If i just go out and get it so it can sit on my shelf, its one less thing that i'll think about. very strange feeling indeed.

I only have 1 amoxycillin (sp) pill left to take with breakfast tomorrow and then i'm done with that prescription. meaning my healing of my wisdom teeth is pretty much done. one of my stitches came out yesterday. i ate a few hot dogs (with difficulty) and i'm about ready to go back to hot foods. w/r/t my other prescription (which is also running to its end) I found out that i had been calling it oxycodone which is just its chemical name. the pills i have are percocet. this was not necessarily a "good" discovery as the first thing that came to mind was "OH! i know what people do with those (besides take them for pain)" for more info please see the end of this blog.

Reading: read some Goblet of Fire today. no work tomorrow so i'll stay up late reading and then read a lot tomorrow

Last song scrobbled: "Through My Words"- Dream Theater

I have not smoked in 11 days but I did take 2 and a half percocet today but I felt nothing. it changed my blood pressure which made me feel hot but it always does that even if I take 1 like i'm supposed to. dont get all freaked out about it. it takes 3 before i'm in the zone where I need to worry about it and based on my weight and no tolerance built up for opiods i am NOT going to go there so i'm not afraid of any of this. plus i only have a few pills left total and once they are gone i am not doing anything like this again.

BEDA 14- More Harry Potter

i have to write this early today because i'm going to the movies with friends tonight. I got these questions from Sara's VEDA yesterday

Favorite Character: wow I never really thought about this. I think i'm gonna go with Remus Lupin because he's really awesome and knowledgeable and stuff

Favorite Couple: Tonks and Lupin (still would be even if Lupin was not my favorite character

Part that made you cry the most: well I didnt cry at anything but the saddest part was Dumbledore falling from the astronomy tower

Favorite Location: Probably hogsmead.

What would you buy at Diagon Alley with a vault of galleons: a broomstick first off, then a bunch of books, and then random wizard gadget stuff like a sneakoscope etc

Which Deathly Hallow would you pick: invisibility cloak. i have no use for the other two first of all and I would love to sneak around people and hear what they're saying when they dont know i'm there

What would you see in the mirror of erised: I dont really know. Maybe my future self being successful and having a family

Least favorite book: Prisoner of Azkaban for reasons mentioned in my blog a few days ago

Favorite Book: Goblet of Fire

What does amsfmoawigmoerbimthrgoijv (idr how to spell it) the love potion smell like to you: I already did this in a blog but I thought of my other two smells- so the first one is still a bookstore filled with new books, then the smell off good coffee even thought I dont really like coffee, and Sara said in her video the smell after it rains and I just thought "YES!" but only if it's like moderate to cold outside. if it's hot then it just smells gross.

9 Days till school ugh ugh ugh

Reading: who knows if i'll get some done today. i'm going to the movies to a 10:30 showing so probably not

Last song scrobbled: "The Matter of Splatter (cover)" - Job For A Cowboy

BEDA 13- Katy's Boobs

Lots of people want
Me to blog about Katy's
Boobs. So here you go

It's Friday the 13th and I have nothing to blog
I'm sitting by my window and there is no fog
It's getting late and no ideas come to mind
Lets post this blog before I run out of time

Poetry seems to
Be a good way getting
Out of doing things

I'm going to use poetry to blog about Katy's boobs
To make it funny and more appropriate for the noobs
If it were serious I would feel perverse
But Katy's still the coolest in the universe

Seeing as I know
Little about poetry
I will do my best

Haikus and couplets are about all I know
So lets keep going along with this show
I guess I should start with "Katy's boobs are nice"
Too bad I cant rhyme like Vanilla Ice

I'm not one to put
Lots of emphasis on boobs
Cuz there's more than that

Ogling boobs can be seen as disrespect
But for most guys it's their favorite subject
I go more for a girl's personality
But there are not many with this mentality

I'd rather find a
Loveable companion than
Love someone for looks

I don't mind the boobs, but the person they're attached to
Girls seem to appreciate this point of view
This is not to say I don't mind them
Just that it's not first on the list in my brain stem

If I were to tell
You that Katy's boobs are great
Its because she is

Katy is an awesome person that everyone should love
She's amazing on more levels than I can think of
Katy's boobs are lucky to be connected
To a girl who can not be perfected

You see it's not the
Boobs that make Katy awesome.
She does that herself

The way Katy is makes me glad to know her
Everyone else is sure to concur
If Katy's boobs are great then she makes them better
I'd love her even if her boobs were hiding under a sweater

10 days till school. Kill me
Reading: I didn't do any today. i was gonna watch a movie but whiney brother is making me leave the computer so I guess i'm gonna go read.
Last Song Scrobbled: "This is Who We Are"- As I Lay Dying

BEDA 12- Re(re)-evaluating Harry Potter (1-3)

(there will be spoilers in here up until the end of the third HP book in case you are wondering [so valerie you are ok])

I JUST finished reading Prisoner of Azkaban for the third time in my life (the second being last year and the first being when it came out). I'm reading the series through for the third time and then watching each movie as I finish a book. I'm getting a better way to think about the books/movies overall instead of how excited I was when each came out.

The first book theres nothing you can really do to it. It has to set everything up and I have no problems with it at all. The movie is kind of lame but its still got a kid's movie feel to it and I get that. No problems there really.

I've always loved the way the second book is put together and I've reaffirmed that with my third reading of it. Its kind of murder mystery ish and everything fits together so cleverly at the end. The movie is still just another visual cliffnotes version of the book just like the first movie. It's alright but nothing too special.

The third book i've never cared for too much and at least I know why that is now. The whole big scene at the end that we expect to get from reading the first two books doesnt really happen. All the excitement is just a bunch of people in a room talking and then there's some time travel but it's not all that gripping. There are also TONS of quidditch matches in the book and it just kinda drags on with the only real plot line being serious black (obviously). The book really harps on how important the firebolt is when harry keeps going to look at it and finally gets it and uses it etc etc but the movie completely destroyed ALL OF THAT. Which is one of the things I hate most about all the HP movies was the whole firebolt thing was ruined.

The movie does justice. It kinda prances around the storyline instead of following it word for word (in some parts) like the first two films did. It cuts out some of the crap and sums things up nicely in a few scenes. However there are so many random things in the movie that do not need to be there and changes that were made for no reason. Overall though (dont think i'm being blasphemous for saying this) I think the movie for Prisoner of Azkaban is even better than the book. They changed the way some of the time travel/plot unraveling at the end happens and made it way easier to follow. The ending in the movie seems more exciting than the ending in the book as well. The movie did some really cool things that the other films dont have while the book is just kind of a drawn out version of filling in some characters and taking space until the 4th book happens (which is probably my favorite book. going to decide after i'm done with the series again).

I've always loved the 4th book and the film for it is just ok. It could have been better but anyways i'm going to go read it and see what the movie did to ruin the book.


Reading: did tons of it today
Last song scrobbled: "Your Belgian Things" - The Mountain Goats

BEDA 11- Sports COULD HAVE BEEN like life

I played baseball in gradeschool. From about third grade till sixth grade I think. Can't remember exactly.

Anyways our team was pretty boss. The last-ish year I played we had an undefeated season and moved up into a league higher than our age level. We had two AMAZING pitchers and a few people that were just fantastic at specific things like catcher, first base, and hitting. We owned a bunch of tournaments and made it to the county playoffs one time (which was creepy as hell because they announced your name as you came up to bat and it was so official that we got freaked out and lost so badly).

I quit baseball because it was starting to get in the way of Boy Scouts. If you do not know I have been pretty big in boy scouts. I made it all the way to eagle scout. But ive had this weird theory about what could have happened if i quit boy scouts and pursued baseball throughout the rest of grade school and into high school.

First off I would have a different group of friends and different outlooks on things. I would have hung out with more sporty type people in high school which would have completely changed who I am today. I decided to be all anti-sporty people in high school and get involved with a bunch of alternative type people (which influenced 90% of the music I now listen to and some of my ways of thinking). The label I associated myself with in high school kinda worked out in the end because goth-ish people are usually nerds who like invader zim and old school video games. (just look at how much nerdy stuff there is at hot topic).

But if I had preppy friends i'd probably listen to rap now and be going to an out of town state university and being all "normal" and whatnot (and boring). I probably would have gone to a private high school because that's what all those types of people from my grade school went to. Private high school would have basically turned me into the opposite of who I currently am.

Its just so weird to think that if I had made one simple path change in my past I could be sitting here as someone I currently look down upon. I'd be that person and not be here blogging, listening to this music and chatting with my online friends. I'd be packing for college and talking about what parties i'm going to this weekend or something.

Boy Scouts and people not accepting me in grade school were kind of the best things to happen to me.


Reading: finished another story in oblivion today. Hopefully getting some prisoner of azkaban pwned tonight.

Last song scrobbled: "Somatically Incorrect" - Whitechapel

Days till school starts: 12 (oh no! did i mention I hate my school?)

BEDA 10- Things Thatt I Really Really Love

i don't have a topic so i'm stealing ideas from lindsay and listing things that I really love:

• The feeling of playing guitar. especially when it is something very difficult and I nail it.
• the smell of a bookstore
• fall
• tons of rain that doesnt have wind or lightning/thunder associated with it
• albums that are so good you can (and HAVE to) listen to the whole thing all the way through each time
• Say Anything's music. Literally every time puts me in the greatest mood ever
• Max Bemis from Say Anything
• David Foster Wallace
• The feeling you get when you read a book passage/lyrics and realize that it directly applies to your life
• the way John Green's mind works
• chocolate milk
• really nice looking bookshelves
• modern furniture
• continuity
• symmetry
• the office
• fight club
• creating things/making things out of other things
• nerdfighteria in general. so much can be said about everything it has done for me
• my internet friends. I am closer to them than my irl friends
• finishing a really good book and just sitting there stunned, thinking "wow"
• mexican food
• live music
• (good) stand up comics
• girls with eyeliner
• green eyes
• good pizza
• the color red
• chai tea
• monty python
• frank lloyd wright
• knowing all the words to a really good song
• people who are very experimental with stuff like music etc
• getting people into new things
• having the perfect amount of alcohol to make me not care just enough to be perfectly social (i have social anxiety so being able to truly relax in a public environment and completely enjoy myself is the best ever)
  
• that 70's show
• john darnielle
• [adult swim]
• the legend of zelda: ocarina of time
• star wars
• harry potter
• being on the inside of an inside joke
• imagining the layout of my future place of living

that's all i can think of in one go like this but I did pretty good

Reading: ok i didnt start prisoner of azkaban last night but i've read some oblivion today and i'm going to read more in a bit
Last Song Scrobbled: Muzzle- The Smashing Pumpkins

BEDA 9- My first surgery I guess?

its 8-9-10 today tee hee

so I couldnt eat breakfast this morning because they said if I didnt have an empty stomach when I was put on anesthesia I COULD DIE. so I was just really tired going into the hospital this morning. I wasnt too freaked out. The last 5 minutes of prep I was kinda worried but that was because i've never been on an IV before. everything past that I didn't care about because I would be asleep.

So before they put the IV in i asked how long before everything kicks in and they said about 45 seconds. Putting the IV in was not bad at all. Even better than getting a shot. So i'm sitting there and they're asking me questions and nothing is happening yet. then i started looking at the ceiling and it became wavy. the lights were those kind that are long tubes and they suddenly got really wide and had a moving texture to them and I told the doctor they looked like clouds or water.

that's when I fell asleep.

I woke up and they helped me into another room because it was SO hard to walk. they put gauze in my mouth and told me some things and I got on a wheelchair and was taken to the parking lot where my mom pulled up and I got in the car. I dont remember anything before I fell asleep up until about an hour after I had been home.

In the car I called like 3 people and talked to them or left messages, i recorded myself saying things on my phone so look forward to that, and I am told that I kept repeating everything that I was saying because I forgot I said it. It was funny but apparently annoying because I wouldnt stop talking. I tweeted: "Wow i feel creat joe in not in saga this is cool"

when I got home I did a live show but it was not for very long because my face started hurting so I left. then my mom gave me some pain pills. I would later find out that these were not the pills I was prescribed but HER pills that she had leftover. after a while i started to feel a dull ache in my mouth and then it slowly got worse. and then my mom told me she didnt get my pills yet and it started hurting really bad and I started to freak out.

if you have ever been in a situation like this where there is a lot of pain, you cant think and you want people to cooperate with you. when the cooperation didn't happen I got really pissed at my mom and started yelling at her for not giving me the right pills. so she left to get my perscription.

meanwhile I sat at home as the pain became very intense. i went for an ice pack that my mom made me only it was just cubes in a bag which doesnt do much to conform to your face. i was looking for the hammer to crush it and couldnt find it and started screaming becausei needed the pain to go away and i just started smashing the ice on the counter with my hands. i busted the bag open and it was leaking on me for the next half hour. the pain became so intense that i was just sitting there in my room flailing my limbs and crying.

finally my mom got home and i took my pills and it went away in like 3 minutes.

i havent been able to eat much since I can only do liquids and jello today. so ive eaten 2 Ensures which are tasty but not satisfying and a cup of jello. i feel like crap sorta because i dont have much in my stomach but I will probably feel loads better tomorrow

i still have to get my top two wisdom teeth out, probably during winter break, but now that i know what it's like i'm not going to have any problem with it at all

Today I finished reading Chamber of Secrets and i'm going to start Prisoner of Azkaban tonight and also probably read a bit of Oblivion.

Last song scrobbled: 'Dirge For November'- Opeth

BEDA 8- I almost missed blogging today

I was out with some peeps and didn't expect to be home but we got sent home early sooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Tomorrow I am getting my bottom two wisdom teeth taken out that I have put off since December. I am going to the hospital to do it so they can put me to sleep because I would freak out during the procedure and probably throw up while there are cuts in my mouth which would be bad.

So I can't eat anything and not even have water after midnight tonight, until after my surgery. Then its only cold, liquidy foods for a few days (and i dont have to work!) People are telling me I should be excited for the pain medication. We'll see. If i'm drugged up i'll try to record some of it/do a live show.

I have not freaked out about the whole thing yet, but I expect to in the morning.

ok now how do I end this....................................................................

sry for the ranty blog yesterday. it really didnt seem as ranty in my head as it did just explaining myself which is always what happens

OH OH OH we're finally gonna fix my car doors this week from my crash IN FEBRUARY

i am excite

No smoking: 4 days (and I literally CAN NOT do it for quite a while because i'm going to be healing in the mouth area so if i do it will mess it up so i'll get a good lead and then not want to mess up my "streak" and keep going

Reading: 100 pages left in chamber of secrets. i'll be reading A LOT the next 3 days
Last song scrobbled: 'Hands of a Killer'- Suicide Silence

BEDA 7 (I missed a day)

and I dont care that I missed a day because I did not touch my computer all day yesterday. I went from sleeping to reading to working to a party and then came home and fell asleep at 1:30am.

So the whole pretense of "ok i'll do beda" is because i'm doing it with a "support group" (jk its just friends all doing beda together) and I was going to be given topics to write about. This is not always happening for reasons unknown. I don't know what to talk about and then I have to try to squeeze out a bunch of crap 2 hours before midnight with my brother bitching at me because he wants to sleep and his face is like 4 feet from my computer screen.

I am not a writer. I never claimed to be. Blogging 30 days in a row without pre-discussed topics should not be something for me to do. I like writing, but I dont like thinking things up.

It would be cool if I could go back to what I said a few days ago and work on self control stuff. I guess the fact that i'm still blogging with no topic is self control (?).

This is a good time of day for me to blog except I dont have unlimited time to work on things and make them good/thought out. I'd have blogged earlier but I've been busy for almost 2 full days.

I am bitching so much and trying to turn this blog around but i'm not going to be able to. I am literally just explaining myself but it comes off as whining, same thing as in my videos! There are so many dumb people in the world that I just have to make a video explaining something but it comes out all whiny and dumb (see my last video for an example).

Maybe I can make a video officially saying "Fuck You" and do what I want on youtube instead of not posting for a while, having people pester me with "where did you go come back make something" and then posting a video saying "hey i'm not dead i'll work on videos later". I still have mixed feelings about vlogging. I do not particularly like reviewing myself talking. It has gotten loads better but I still prefer not to do it. I want to make artsy/skit type videos instead of just me talking about life because then I feel better about people I know IRL seeing my videos. If they find out I do videos and want to watch them i'll gladly show them my redneck impression video but get super nervous about them seeing a talk about things type video.

I love editing, point blank. I hate acting and I hate writing. I love putting things together to create something. Basically i've decided as of right now- fuck everyone i'm going to do what I feel like doing and what fits into MY life, not how much you want to see my face on your screen. I'm going to change up what I do on youtube. I feel like I could start a second channel to do vlogs but whats the point when I already have 2 channels (one that I dont use anymore) and a collab channel (that I'm pretty sure i'm going to leave)

Lets get into that- school is starting in a few weeks and I have a job now. Even if I switched days i'm 80% sure i'm going to have to leave 7awesomebookworms because I am not going to have the time/energy/creativity to make a video every week. Plus the intent of joining a collab channel was that it would not interfere with my personal channel. Guess what- it did. I had time to post last wednesday but I didnt because I HAVE NOTHING NEW TO TALK ABOUT. I dont do much with my life so it is pointless for me to make a video every week on a channel that has no structure/guidelines/themes/etc. Every single week:

Hi
*talk about something*
*this is what i'm reading*
*work/school/etc*
*something i'm GOING to do*
*taking up space*
*ok bye*

Every week for the past like 3 months.

I dont feel like there is even a "conversation" happening between the other collab members because most of the time everyone else either doesnt post or hasnt seen the other videos throughout the week. So who am I making the video for?

Cory, Katy, Eevee, Rachel, Spring, Darci (if any of you see this, i know katy will 4 sho) please know i'm not bitching you all out or being angry about this, i've just lost interest and dont see a point for me anymore. I still have not made a final decision but once school starts for me there is a very good chance I'll be leaving 7awesomebookworms.


Ok moody as hell blog should stop now before it morphs into something else.

Reading: about to go do that right now
Not smoking: 3 days. I'm back to being determined about it and turned it down 2 days ago.
Last song scrobbled: 'Informal Gluttony'- Between the Buried and Me
Self Control for the day: i'd say yes.

BEDA 5- My Day, Patronus/Love Potion

I'm going to start calling it BEDA, despite the face that I initially hated it, because its easier

First of all i'd like to say that I didn't even turn on my computer until 2pm so I could get things done. Granted today I set my alarm for 8:30 in attempt to get into a regular sleeping/waking schedule but I fell asleep twice and got up at 9:30. So tomorrow i'm setting it for 8:45 (15 minutes extra can do WONDERS)
So today I finished reading HP and the Sorceror's Stone and immediately put my bookmark in Chamber of Secrets (gonna start it tonight). I also finished the first story in Oblivion by David Foster Wallace that I am reading along with Valerie(2776) and Arka(pain).
Once that was over I turned on my computer and immediately got to "work" by finishing up The Show with Ze Frank. So now i'm officially done with my orientation and am a new member of the league of awesomeness (you have no clue what that means unless you watch The Show)


So now to talk about my patronus. Ive taken many quizzes to make sure I get the same result (the same thing I did to make SURE I was a Ravenclaw) and the answer I always get is a squirrel. Squirrels are my favorite animals which tends to make people laugh sometimes. I love them. They're like ninjas and have that animal way of thinking like dogs and cats that make them funny.
I guess I can relate to a squirrels mannerisms. They are very sporatic and gittery. Ever seen a squirrel in the middle of a road when a car is coming towards it? Quite often squirrels will run back and forth not sure which side they should run to before getting hit my a FREAKING CAR. I can be the same way with decisions. I'll go back and forth and frequently change my mind about things (like yesterday's blog about my priorities constantly changing)

Since that didn't take up enough blog space i'll go into more harry potter stuff and tell you about what the love potion smells like to me (if you dont know there is a love potion in harry potter that smells different to everyone) To me it would smell like the inside of Barnes and Noble. That bookstore specifically smells better than others. I'm not sure why. Part of it is probably because of the coffee shop they have in there which gives a faint smell of coffee on top of the smell of new books. Old books DO smell interesting but I think a room full of NEW books smells better than old books.

Reading: PWNED for the day. Finished Sorcerer's Stone, started Chamber of Secrets and read some of Oblivion
Days Not Smoking: 1 (ok I failed yesterday so kill me. but i'm still noticing that the initial act is what I find exciting about doing it, not the effects, because often those suck after almost 3 years of doing it)
Last Song Scrobbled: 'The Curse of Castle Dragon'- Paul Gilbert

Blaugust 4- Conflicted

I mentioned yesterday that I lack self control in certain areas of my life. (once again I was going to read today and here it is 2:30pm and i have not left the computer) I also fail to prioritize things sometimes.

Currently i'm in the middle of 3 different programs that i'm watching online. If i would just work on the shortest one first I could get it out of the way.

I tend to move around my priorities quite frequently. Example is today I wanted to figure out my render issues on Sony Vegas and upload a video. I did that, so my next major goal of the day is to catch up on reading. Before pulling myself from the computer to go read I got a phone call from a friend who wants to hang out. Leaving the house for potential fun is a pretty top priority so It just replaced reading.

So in the back of my head to make myself feel better i'm going to say that I will come home at a decent hour so that I can still read TONIGHT. Which is why I'm blogging now, so I will not have excuses to not read tonight.

So i'm going to a friend's house. The house that I go to on an almost daily basis sometimes. This is due to the fact that he is always available to hang out and I never have any other plans as my other friends are always busy. This partly sucks because the one that can always hang out is the one that contributes to the smoking problem. We don't have much to do over there besides watch tv and listen to music so smoking becomes something to do or becomes a way to make doing nothing fun and/or bearable. My best plan of action would obviously be to stop hanging out with this guy but I don't think I can do that. I am still good friends with him and he's the only one that likes the same heavy music as me so its great to be able to listen to music with him and talk about bands. Its also nice to have a place I can always go if I need to escape the house.

So i'm going over there and he just got off the phone with me and told me about his new pipe and so he's GOING to smoke and GOING to offer it to me and I'm going to try my best to resist. I never know how well i'm going to be able to do this.

I have an addictive personality. You probably already know this- whenever I get into something i REALLY get into it and obsess over it. (Dont believe me? just go look at my last.fm and see how many plays Dream Theater has over all my other bands because I am addicted to Dream Theater) So I have an addictive personality I have come to terms with this. I can't get off this computer to go do other things I want to do etc. When you add substances to an addictive personality that's probably not a good thing. When i'm on something once it starts to kick in, no matter what my initial limits are, I will usually go into a mode where I will only say "ok, how can I get more of this into my system?" This is not to say i'm always running around looking to get fucked up, just WHILE i'm on it I want to keep going further.

Since we're talking about this sort of thing I'd like to blog about, because putting things out there in writing form makes me feel better, the fact that I tried a new substance a few weeks ago.

So far i've done- alcohol, weed, and a strain of opium that was very diluted and not very powerful. Now I can add this stuff called K2 to my list. In a nutshell its synthetic weed. It's still a new thing so not much is known about it but basically they take a bunch of herbs and spices and spray it with a chemical. This chemical contains some of the active ingredients found in marijuana. The stuff is sold as incense but some genius found out that you can smoke it and get a super weed high. I was told it was such a high that it was near hallucination. My friend got some for his birthday from someone and it didnt break any of my personal substance use rules (I do have some guidelines that keep me away from doing things like crack and meth and heroin) so I opted to try it out.

I did not like it. I was INCREDIBLY self concious and my mind was racing the whole time. I was going nuts and starting to shake. I thought oh no this is a bad trip I need to go chill out somewhere and wait this out so I went into the AC and watched tv until it was over.

Addictive personality thought that even though it sucked I should try it again now that I know what it's like It could be different. So I did it again that night and it wasnt as bad. I think the first time I was just freaked out by what it might do.

The rest of that week we didnt smoke weed because we had this K2 stuff. The next time I did finally smoke weed it didnt affect me as much since I was used to the K2. I still have not been able to find out if the K2 has permanently affected my weed tolerance but if it HAS then that is a GOOD thing because that means weed will not do anything for me any more and I wont want to do it.

Ok babbling too much so i'm going to end this.

Days of no smoking- 6.5 (today is not over yet, sadly) *edit: i failed*
Reading- a TINY bit today, hopefully more later on *edit: i succeeded*
Last song scrobbled- 'Roboturner'- Between the Buried and Me

Blaugust 3- EVERYONE WANTS ME TO TALK ABOUT BOOBS

I need to start planing out my bloging thing because I dont have ideas and then I say hey tweet me ideas and everyone wants me to either talk about them or Katy's boobs. And its 11:47 and my brother is being a bitch and telling me to get off the computer. I sort of lose my mind when I get in front of the computer. Its ADD gone wild. Especially when I have this ability to multitask like a baws on this giant screen I have now. Skype, background music, checking random social networking sites, and then theres the stuff i'm ~supposed to do~. Like blog. This doesnt even count the things I'm supposed to do/distractions outside the computer.

I wanted to read today. Like a lot because I didnt read yesterday and i'm reading a book along with other people so i need to keep up. I DID NOT READ TODAY BECAUSE OF THIS COMPUTER.

I need to learn some self control. Lots of it is I feel like i'm going to miss out of something so that I just stay online to see what happens.

I guess I could make BEDA have an overarching theme of self control.

Speaking of self control and failing at it let me bring up the fact that I got back into smoking the last 3 weeks. It sucks. My current goal is to not do it within the month of August as a start.

So I guess I can end blogs with that as well

Days of not smoking: 6 or 7 I can't remember. Lets go with 6 because it will make me feel like i've achieved less which will make me want to achieve more

Reading: the same stuff I did yesterday with NO PROGRESS
Last song scrobbled: "The Grand Conjuration"- Opeth

Blaugust Day 2 etc- Family and 5 Misspelded Words

I was told by my, I guess BEDA/Blaugust/VEDA/Vlaugust buddies (?), that I should talk about my family.

I don't really know what to talk about other then a general breakdown of where everyone "stands" for lack of a better word.

First of all I just have one younger brother who is going to be 18 the beginning of October. Everyone that doesn't know him thinks he's like 12 or something which is kind of funny.

So I live with my brother and my parents. My grandparents, my dad's parents, live 1 block over in the house that my dad grew up in (the house that WE live in actually belonged to an old lady that paid my dad to cut her grass and he waited for her to die to buy her house). My dad is one of 5 kids. I have 2 uncles and 2 aunts on his side of the family. My grandpa owns a farm that he used to take the family to every weekend to put them to work and stuff. The whole country thing rubbed off on everyone because all my aunts and uncles moved out to the country. One of them owns his own farm. So there you have it i am legit part redneck

All of my aunts and uncles are married except one of my uncles is divorced. My two aunts have kids totaling 3 cousins that I have- all 3 girls, all 3 younger than me and my brother.

My mom just has one brother who is married and lives in California where he plays piano professionally. Both of my mom's parents have passed away, her dad when she was really young and her mom a few years ago. I don't really know my uncle very well because I barely get to talk to him and he is kind of a difficult person (which sounds mean but i'm not meaning it that way. he's very cool just kind of different). His wife is very nice and friendly.

Then there are other intricacies like my grandpa's two brothers- one deceased and one married twice, and my grandma's sister. But those areas don't have anything interesting to talk about.

My family has lots of inside jokes like i'm sure most families do. We have certain words that we used and phrases that we use that are just riddiculous when you don't understand the context.

Here are some examples with the context intentionally removed:
Beebs
Formost (not foremost, this is a different thing related to a motorcycle)
Tutor Nelpa
The Shit Eatin' Grin
and now that i'm trying to think of them it occurs to me that there are not as many as I thought because lots of them are already existing things we just say them with a weird voice or emphasis to denote family things.

My family is weird in the way that only a family can be. Its difficult to explain

Our main traditions are the way we do Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Thanksgiving used to always be at my grandparent's farm but the trailer there has become run down and we haven't been there in a while. So now thanksgiving is at whoever's house happens to be able to do it.

As for Christmas we go by order of age of my dad's side of the family. I can't remember if it goes oldest to youngest or youngest to oldest but they seem to know. My aunt started a new thing last christmas where she bought a serving dish and a special pen to write down who's house it was at and what year it was on the underside of the dish.

Also my aunts/uncles/parents do secret santas which are drawn at thanksgiving. All the children (meaning my dad and his siblings) usually save up for one big thing for my grandparents.

we don't really have anything ~juicy~ that goes on so this blog is kinda lame.

5 words I misspell all the time:
Together
Ridiculous
I cant think of 3 more at 12:30am which makes me sad.

Currently reading:
half way through HP and the Sorcerer's Stone
Oblivion by David Foster Wallace

Last song scrobbled:
The Crunge- Led Zeppelin

Ok I got convinced into doing BEDA/Blaugust...

but only because a bunch of my friends are doing it and we are all collaberatively coming up with ideas. I tried BEDA in april but failed miserably because I didnt have enough to talk about so lets try this again.

I guess I can talk about motivation here.

I really should impliment good ideas the second I get them. But I dont. This is bad. Partly because I am a self concious person and I worry about what people will think of me even in video form. I'll come up with an idea and think its really great and then not do it, maybe write it down or something, and then when it comes time to finally do it in video form I either think OTHER PEOPLE will think it's dumb or think that I will look dumb doing it and just not do it.

But that's just video motivation. I procrastinate most other things too. I have a SERIOUS problem with over thinking things. I always think that everything is going to be much worse than it actually is. I tend to freak out about the unknown type of stuff.

I have problems even motivating myself to do things I love. Like reading. I love reading but sometimes it is very hard to get myself to do it. I find that with almost everything a big part of the actual thing is the parts leading up to doing the thing (if that makes sense). Like homework. It sucks but what really sucks is getting in the process of doing it. Once you have all your materials out and your book turned to the right page the actual process of doing homework isnt as bad as it's made out to be. And I tend to put this with everything.

Reading can be tiresome believe it or not. It takes a lot of stamina or some other word that I can not think of at 11:17pm and it can be hard to get in the process of doing it. Many times I just try not to think about it, get off the couch/office chair, pull out the book and just start reading. The first few pages might go slow but it tends to gain speed as I continue with it.

I figure it's probably a good thing that I at least realize I have this particular problem with motivation. I have recognized the problem but still have not come up with a great solution (if you have any IT WOULD BE GREAT TO HEAR ABOUT THEM IN THE COMMENTS).

Well I guess that's it for the thrown together day 1 of blaugust. See i'm already saying this is crap and from your point of view it may not be. I need to work on that self conciousness but that is a topic for another blog.

My Social Media Paper

Blogs are for writing. I do not write often. So here is something that I wrote. For school. I got an A on it so it may be worth reading

Social Media Has Its Purpose

The past few years have brought a variety of innovative ways for everyone to communicate with each other. New social media is emerging as a huge industry; and the industry is thriving. The internet is changing most Americans’ social aspects of life. Sites like Twitter and Facebook redefine what it means to be “in touch” with someone. Typically when something new breaks through there will be lots of skepticism before it is widely accepted. Social media and electronic communication are definitely under fire at the moment. Many say that the new forms of communication are too impersonal and that there is much room for misinterpretation because text has no tone of voice. While I can agree with this I think there are still too many good qualities about electronic communication, given the correct context and understanding of when it is appropriate, for it to be cast aside completely.

Text messaging is probably the most scrutinized form of communication. Many people easily become too involved with text messaging and it can do more harm to their social life than good if not used properly. I use text messaging sparingly when I need to talk with someone and can not be on a phone. It is a great way to easily connect with someone to ask about a quick detail or to achieve something that is not necessary for an entire phone call. I also enjoy the ability to send out one message to a few people at once. My group of friends get together every week for wing night at Culpepper’s and I get one of these mass texts each week as a reminder of the time and place we are meeting up. If I call someone and they are not available I will sometimes send them a text instead of leaving a voice message to open communication with them, as long as the conversation is not urgent.

Important conversation and messages that need to be responded to in a timely basis is not the place for text messaging. People often get annoyed when someone is not responding to a text message within twenty minutes yet they refuse to dial the number to call them. If you expect an urgent response, you should call, not text. Serious conversation should also not be over text messaging. There is no tone of voice in text and if the conversation is balancing on the edge of an argument the conversation should be moved to a phone call.

The impersonal aspects of electronic communication can actually be useful in some cases. Not everyone is as open an social as they would like to be and it is awkward for some people to make new friends. Some friendships can begin over electronic and text based communication before they move into areas of personal connection. I have met a few people at school that I have started talking to through Facebook or text messaging and it becomes much easier to open up to someone new. It becomes convenient that I can talk to new people through text and be able to hide any bad first impressions I may give off. Eventually I will get to know someone enough to know when I am ready to move the communication on to something like a phone call. It is important for those on the receiving end of this situation to be aware when meeting new people. We have all heard horror stories of people meeting online and then finding out who they were actually talking to once they decide to meet in person.

Social networking sites like Facebook can be a great place to keep in touch with your friends. It can also help you connect with people that you’ve lost touch with. I’ve found old friends from grade school, sports teams, and old neighbors that I haven’t talked to in years and was excited to be able to reconnect with them. Facebook has a few features that can also be great to connect with people as long as certain requirements are in place for it to be effective. The biggest problem with connecting on Facebook is trying to communicate with someone who does not visit the site very often. This is when communication with that person should be moved to another form. I do not have many problems with this because my close group of friends check the site every day or so. Since everyone is able to be contacted in a timely manner through Facebook, my friends utilize features such as the events page to plan get togethers. Whenever one of my friends has a birthday party coming up, the host will usually start an event page with information on the time and location of the party. They are then able to invite everyone to the party through Facebook and the event page will keep track of who plans on going, who can not make it, and who still is not sure. While this tool is useful and quick, it is still important to consider a personal connection with the host to touch base with them on the specifics of the party when the date is approaching.

The Facebook status updates, which are essentially the same thing as an update on Twitter, are very useful for keeping in touch with people. Everyone gives quick updates on what is going on in their lives and it is most likely you will hear about the major events in someone’s life by occasionally reading their status updates. When I was in a car accident a month ago I updated my Twitter and Facebook and my friends and family were all instantly aware of what was going on. All of my friends work a lot during the week and I only get to see them about once a month. It is even difficult to get a hold of them by phone and sometimes even by text so Facebook is essential for me if I want to know what is going on with them.

Since I am not able to see my friends very often social media and textual communication are a huge part of my life. I have met many people through online communities and through YouTube and I talk to my group of online friends every day. In many ways I have become closer to my online friends than my regular group of friends. “Real” friends are limited to those that live around you while online friends can be from anywhere in the world so you are able to pick and choose your friends based on their compatibility with your personal tastes. I have gotten to know these people very well though Twitter and Facebook and through the instant message program Skype. I would not call my relationship with my online friends impersonal by any means because we all know each other so well and are able to communicate ourselves to each other easily. Skype has a voice chat feature that allows a conference call where all my online friends can speak to the group at once. I also know them on a personal level because most of them make videos on YouTube so you can see how they act in a regular setting and they become more than just text and a user name.

My younger brother has an Xbox 360 and a subscription to Xbox Live which connects his game system to the internet so he can play online with people all over the world. The Xbox comes with a headset that connects to a port in the controllers so that you can talk to the people you’re playing with. There are options to become friends with people on Xbox live with either people you already know or even new people you’ve met online. Most of my brother’s friends have an Xbox and connect with him through this online system. Because of this my brother gets to talk to his friends every day. Many of his friends have moved away since he went to grade school with them so it is an important piece of technology to utilize so that he can stay connected with his far away friends.

Who knows where technology will bring communication in the years to come. I predict that electronic communication will be refined and more widely accepted in the future as the next generations will be brought up with more technology in their lives. People are generally afraid of change, so when new and innovative technology is released, it is not always seen as completely functional or necessary. There have already been uprisings in technology within the past few years to make electronic communication more accessible and practical. Voice chat is popping up in places where there was only text based chat and the ideas of video chat are also growing. Sites like YouTube have made great strides in expressing yourself to the world through video- this is just the beginning.

There can be many setbacks with each form of electronic communication; these need to be acknowledged in order for the various methods to become completely effective. Electronic media is very useful but only when used under the correct circumstances. It will be exciting to see what electronic communication will evolve into once its purpose is understood. The limits and restrictions depending on each form of electronic communication should be realized so that everyone appropriately chooses the right method for their needs at the time. In many ways electronic communication is being abused and the future will hopefully bring a better understanding of when it is appropriate to use electronic media and when communication should be brought up to a more personal level.

My College Essay on Nerdfighters

This is my description essay for my college english class. It's 7 pages (double spaced). I turn it in on Monday. I'll put up what grade I get when It gets back to me.

“On Nerdfighteria Island”

Chances are you have no clue what a Nerdfighter is. It is still a very underground culture; a sub-culture of nerd sub-culture. There are at least 200,000 Nerdfighters in the world at this point. The total number of Nerdfighters can be measured by the number of subscribers the Vlogbrothers, the creators of Nerdfighters, have on YouTube. Outside of this number are a tiny group of people who know what a Nerdfighter is yet are not one themselves. This group consists of friends, parents, or other relatives of Nerdfighters and possibly a few people who have caught the limited media coverage about Nerdfighters. But just what is a Nerdfighter? Even Nerdfighters themselves have trouble describing it in a nutshell. On the surface, Nerdfighters are an online community of nerds who band together to find peace, knowing that they are not alone and that there are other people out there who are just as nerdy as they are and love the same stuff they do. This sounds like a simple explanation; however, there are many things that set Nerdfighter culture apart from regular nerd culture.

But what exactly is a nerd? Based on your views and social standing you may have a different idea of what a nerd is than the next person. The main thing that makes a nerd a nerd is liking stuff. Nerds like many different things from many different aspects of life, most notably pop culture. It is easy to pick out some nerd cultures right away. Fans of things such as Star Wars, comic books, video games, Harry Potter, Doctor Who, and Pokémon are typically labeled as nerds. However, as long as you are obsessed enough about the subject, you can be a nerd about almost anything, such as music, books, cars, and movies. A great word to describe a nerd is eclectic. The second word that I would use to describe a nerd is enthusiastic. Nerds get very excited about the things they like. John Green, critically acclaimed young adult author and fellow nerd, says that “Nerds are allowed to be unironically enthusiastic about stuff… nerds are allowed to love stuff, like jump-up-and-down-in-the-chair-can’t-control-yourself love it… when people call people nerds, mostly what they’re saying is ‘you like stuff,’ which is just not a good insult at all. Like, you are just too enthusiastic about the miracle of human consciousness.”

The only way to explain Nerdfighters thoroughly is to start with its history. In January of 2007, two brothers realized that the closeness of their brotherhood had been stifled by the amount of textual communication that took place between them. They began the Brotherhood 2.0 project in which they would only use the popular internet site YouTube to communicate to each other through the use of vlogs (video blogs) for an entire year. The aforementioned author John Green and Hank Green, a web designer and founder of the website Eco-Geek, which reports on ways green technology is being developed, became known as the Vlogbrothers on YouTube. They were not allowed to e-mail, instant message, text message, or use any other means of text based communication throughout the course of the Brotherhood 2.0 project. It may not have been the first, but it was definitely the first widely popular collab channel (a YouTube account that has more than one user) on YouTube.

The project took off and slowly began to gain a following of viewers. A month and a half after starting the project, John Green made one of his videos while waiting for his flight at an airport. John visited the arcade at the airport and found a game called Aero Fighters. The text of the title was very steep and there was a piece of plastic covering the very top of the word “Aero” so at a first glance John thought the game was called Nerd Fighters. John took the idea and ran with it, as many authors are capable of doing, and began to discuss in the video what a game called Nerdfighters would be about. He began to question what it is to be a nerd and why being a nerd is seen as a bad thing. In a later video, John went on to say, "Saying 'I notice you're a nerd' is like saying, 'Hey, I notice that you'd rather be intelligent than be stupid, that you'd rather be thoughtful than be vapid, that you believe that there are things that matter more than the arrest record of Lindsay Lohan. Why is that?” John made the point that many important historical figures were nerds and that being a nerd is something that should be celebrated. He went on to dub the viewers of the Brotherhood 2.0 project the “Nerdfighters” and the culture was born.

John and Hank later discussed in the following videos more of what Nerdfighters was about. They established that instead of bones and tissue, Nerdfighters were actually made of awesome; and that they used this awesome to fight to reduce “world suck“ levels. World suck is anything in the world that is a bad thing, such as cancer, poverty, global warming, abuse, and especially social injustice against nerds. Nerdfighters are nerds who “band together against the scourge of popular people” and fight with their brains instead of their fists. Nerdfighters fight for nerds just like Freedom Fighters fight for freedom. Nerdfighters live by the initialism DFTBA which stands for “Don’t Forget To Be Awesome.” Non-Nerdfighters are typically the ones who FTBA (forget to be awesome) by promoting world suck through acts such as racism, breaking the law, discrimination, and drug use.

There are many different varieties of Nerdfighters depending on what nerd culture they most identify with. Not all Nerdfighters are the same, and one must choose which type of Nerdfighter they are going to be once they choose to become one. There are literature Nerdfighters, Zelda Nerdfighters, theater Nerdfighters and Star Wars Nerdfighters just to name a few. If a Nerdfighter is most interested in Pokémon, he or she may choose to become a Pokémon Nerdfighter and would be able to name all 493 Pokémon, will have played more than one of the Pokémon games, and will own all the Pokémon movies. A music Nerdfighter will listen to a dozen independent bands that not many people have heard of, be able to rattle off facts about the personal lives of The Beatles, and be able to play an instrument or two.

Along with the birth of Nerdfighters, the insider culture, canon, and references began. One of the first and most popular inside jokes was started by John’s friend and fellow author Maureen Johnson. She noticed that if you put “…in your pants” after a book title it made the titles significantly funnier. “My Pants” became the name for the online forum where the Nerdfighting community could interact. From here, thousands of ideas and expanse of the culture began such as putting things on your head to make yourself feel better about life, John’s “puff level” which refers to when John’s stress gets higher and he pulls on his hair making it stick up, and referring to John’s wife as “the yeti” because she is believed to exist but has never been seen in a Vlogbrothers video. These and many others, including many references from John’s novels and songs that Hank wrote, became the basis of the insider culture of Nerdfighteria. Nerdfighteria refers to an imaginary island where there all the Nerdfighters live together.

John and Hank realized they had started something fantastic. Nerds are typically the outcasts of society and are always on the outside looking in- Nerdfighters became a way for nerds to be on the inside and feel like they are a part of something. Nerdfighters are known for using their powers “for awesome”, or for good things that fight world suck levels. They started the annual You Tube “Project For Awesome” where hundreds of Nerdfighters would each make a YouTube video in support of a charity. The Nerdfighting community then got together and rated, favorited, and commented on all of the charity videos to get them onto the most rated, most favorited and most discussed page on YouTube thus gaining charity awareness. The Nerdfighters recently joined forces with the Harry Potter fan community in a project called “Helping Haiti Heal”. All sorts of prizes including autographed copies of John Green’s books, signed copies of Harry Potter books and other various Harry Potter/Nerdfighter related prizes were auctioned off by selling raffle tickets at various donation prices. The project gained over $123,000 and filled three cargo planes (named Harry, Ron, and Hermione) with supplies to send to Haiti.

A Nerdfighter is a good role model. The community values “quality over quantity” and promotes fortitude that parents couldn’t pay to have instilled into their children. Nerdfighters value education and being good students, doing their homework and trying their best to get good grades. Nerdfighters are polite to everyone and believe in equality and fairness. They also have a love of books and enjoy showcasing their literacy through their advanced vocabulary. Nerdfighters are very social and have many different ways of interacting with each other. Nerdfighters.com would be the first on the list in general communication between Nerdfighters. YouTube is next on the list where anyone can find Nerdfighters that make videos and interact with their various Nerdfighter viewers. Another website that is used to rally Nerdfighters together is blogtv.com. This site lets a host broadcast through a webcam to a chat room. Many friendships are sparked through these main sites. Once initial interaction begins, Nerdfighters keep in touch with each other through Facebook, Twitter, and Skype- a popular instant messenger that also allows video and voice chat.

Many people on YouTube come across John and Hank’s videos and use lots of bad grammar to insult them. Comments such as “your gay” and “ugh jeez get a life nerd” have led to haters being known as “giant squids of anger.” Giant squids of anger, who are rude and vacuous people, also referred to as “Decepticons,” would be the opposite of a Nerdfighter along with the assumed jocks, preps, and popular kids that are typically associated with the opposites of nerds. Moments involving these types of people are moments when Nerdfighters spring into action. A Nerdfighter would look at the comment “your gay” and explain to the commenter that “your” is used incorrectly, would explain to them why “gay” should not be used as an insult, and possibly fight back at them with a Shakespearean insult.

Nerdfighteria is an excellent place to get positive feedback for one’s creative ideas. Nerdfighters are encouraged to be creative and make good use of any talents they have and also to try new things. There is a strong music scene in Nerdfighteria which has led to the creation of DFTBA Records, co-founded by Hank Green. The label features a place for YouTube musicians to reach their audiences and distribute their music to their fans; including Hank Green who was one of DFTBA Records’ first artists and has released three albums of songs that he created for “Song Wednesdays” on the Vlogbrothers YouTube channel.

Occasionally, Nerdfighters will get together at Nerdfighter Gatherings where everyone can meet up IRL (in real life). Most notably, John and Hank went on “The Great American Tour De Nerdfighting” in 2008 and visited over 30 cites and rallied Nerdfighters together to sign things, play music, discuss John’s books and have lots of fun. Nerdfighter gatherings bring the friendships off of the internet and into real life; and meeting Nerdfighters from the internet in real life is nowhere near the same as meeting some potential rapist in a chat room. Some Nerdfighters, because of their nerdy tendencies, are unable to achieve the social life they dream of; and Nerdfighters is a way for these kids to acquire the interaction they struggle for.

Nerdfighting goes far beyond the community, it is very active on an individual level and is an attitude and a lifestyle. Nerdfighters grow to accept themselves and become happy with who they are while fighting for what is good and right. The little project that John and Hank started over three years ago has inspired hundreds of thousands of young adults to be better people. It is challenging to describe Nerdfighters to an outsider because of how much content has been spawned in the past few years. Nerdfighters can be a life changing experience (it is for me) and it is a wonderful, positive lifestyle for young (nerd) adults to get involved in. I have met many amazing people through the Nerdfighting community (a few of whom helped me edit this essay to make sure all of the canon and terminology is correct) and have found closure in embracing my inner nerd and being proud of it. Being a Nerdfighter is a strong characteristic that I hope stays with me for the rest of my life.